There are no words

My weekend started off wonderfully - Joshua and I celebrated his 25th birthday on Friday by going out to dinner and then falling asleep at a geriatric-approved early hour (I blame the wine).

Saturday took a turn for the worse, when Joshua skipped off to a men's breakfast at church, telling me he'd be back after it ended at 12:30. I bummed around the house, reading blogs (but not updating this one - sigh), and pretending to organize. At 12:45, I started to wonder why he hadn't called me yet. Joshua and I always call each other. To the point of being obnoxious. I don't think either of us has ever really wondered where the other is since we got married. We just know.

12:55 - Starting to freak out a little. Sent one text, called his phone once.

1:10 - Freaking out quite a bit more. Follow-up text, two (maybe five) calls to his phone.

1:20 - Wringing my hands, wondering exactly where he crashed our car (not an unlikely thought, and those of you who have driven with him will understand) and wondering when the police would be arriving at my apartment. Also at this time, I had to call work and get my assignment for the shift, all the while wondering if I would be calling back to cancel because Joshua was in some ER somewhere with 3 broken bones or worse.

1:30 - Frantic. In my scrubs, walking down the street towards church, in the rain, looking for the crash site. Church is a good 4 miles away, so I'm not sure exactly what I was hoping to accomplish here.

1:35 - Joshua finally calls me back. The breakfast ran LATE! His coat was on the other side of the ROOM! His cell phone was in his COAT! It was all so damn LOGICAL! And naturally, I could not translate my overwhelming fear that he had lost life or limb into anything appropriate other than yelling at him. And then I ran back home (still in my scrubs. still in the rain), feeling totally ridiculous, but definitely assured of the fact that I love my husband and don't ever want to be without him.

I realize this story makes me sound like a possessive freak, but really I am not. The take-home here is that when your husband routinely makes questionable decisions while driving, even a short amount of time when he cannot be located is petrifying (he is going to love me for posting this, I'm sure). And what did people do before cell phones!?!? The dark ages, I am sure.

However, Sunday went right ahead and topped Saturday in terms of distressing events. Yes, I can now say that I have been sexually harassed by an incontinent elderly man while in the middle of changing his diaper (don't worry, this happened in the context of my job. Which sounds awesome, right? Some nights as a nursing assistant make me wonder why I quit the Gap) Really, the story is much more dramatic than that but I do not feel comfortable writing about it as his comments were totally inappropriate and beyond that, I know I should be preserving my patients' dignity along with my own.

Ahem.

So now it is Monday and I have had too much coffee (NO I WILL NOT BE STOPPING. No one was really on board with that idea. Joshua was frightened.) I bought all the ingredients for my Thanksgiving pies this morning, along with actual real ingredients for meals - a novel idea - and now I have officially postponed my homework to the very last possible second.

Tonight we're decorating the place for Christmas! Three days early, but we won't be here for Thanksgiving, and I don't want to miss a moment of Christmas decor when we return.

Waaaayy too much coffee this morning.