Today, at 11:49am I saw my first live vajayjay birth. (yesterday I saw a c-section but let me tell you it is a whole different ballgame) Today, I was able to be with the mom the whole time she was pushing. When the baby girl was born, I was holding the mom's right leg saying "oh! you are doing SO WELL!!" and I was about six inches from the "action".

By "action", I mean, the human being coming out of her vagina.

WHAT?! I'm still so surprised by the whole wonderful crazy drama of birth. First there were just four of us in the room - mama pushing, labor nurse with her hands IN the vagina making sure the baby was ok, the dad looking terrified, and me practically bursting with the JOY of it all and trying to contain this seriously dopey grin that I kept getting on my face. I really had no idea what to do, except just hold on to her leg and remember that although she needed to bear down during a contraction, I did not. (seriously. I kept holding my breath and then gasping when her contraction ended, and if I was squeezing out a child, I would not have been amused). Then the nurse is all, "Oh I have to go get something! You can handle it, right?" and I am all, "Well, of course!"

This is what I said out loud. In my head, I said, "Oh my GOD! I can see most of this baby's head! What if it just comes out right here!?" Luckily, that did not occur, but I did get to count the mom through a contraction and she got even more of that head down before the nurse got back. And I felt so proud to be there, "helping".

Then all of the sudden, a whole whirlwind of people burst in for the actual birth. The doctor suited up in her splash mask and got situated, with placenta bag and everything all ready, and suddenly the baby's head was out and because she was occiput posterior, she was looking right at us! With a massive conehead. And a pissed-off expression. One more push and she came slithering out and she cried like, I don't know, someone had smushed her through PELVIC BONES or something.

And it was pretty much the most incredible, beautiful, ridiculous thing I have ever seen in my life.

The mom and dad were crying, the baby was wailing, the doctor was stitching up a nasty tear and delivering the placenta, the nurse was weighing the baby, and I just got to watch all the excitement, and now I know that there IS something that is worth coming to work for every day. One and a half years before I sign up for L&D - the Vagina Squad - for real.

Oh, and what you've heard about pooping on the delivery table? That is the real deal, people. Trust me.