Let's hypothesize for a moment.

Let's say - just SAY - that your sister in law was moving to Chicago, and with her came 6 suitcases, 3 huge boxes, 6 little boxes, 3 overflowing carts worth of Target junk, emotional baggage, and a set of very generous, slightly overprotective parents.

Then let's say that this entire caravan arrived only 4 days after you and your husband (hypothetically!!) returned from a 3 week trip in which you only spent 3 nights at home, and only 4 days before you are headed back to a challenging semester of...well, let's just theorize that you are in some sort of medically oriented program.

Then let's say that yesterday, when you and your husband and theoretical brother and sister-in-law were across the street from the other sister-in-law's new dorm ordering Mexican food, your hypothetical mother-in-law fell out of a 7 foot loft (which belongs to the college-bound sister-in-law and is dangerously attired in satin sheets).

So then let's hypothesize that instead of meeting 14 of your in-laws' old friends for dinner, you and all your hypothetical in-laws spend the evening in the ER eating the Mexican food you didn't get to eat when you got that panicked phone call about The Fall.

Then let's pretend for a minute that your mother-in-law cracked three ribs during her startling escape from the loft.

And she doesn't want to take Vicodin, because this is a lady who gave birth to three kids au natural and just told you yesterday that it was "no big deal". But she can't move her right arm or right side, and she can't go home on Monday, because your hypothetical father-in-law is going on a business trip, and she can't be home alone.

So...after all this, let's hypothesize that she will be sitting on your couch until Friday. While your husband goes back to work (in theory!) and you and collegiate sister-in-law head off to class. And she's already bored.

Then, let's just say that while 8 people sat in your apartment's living room eating Kentucky Fried Chicken and swapping Fractured Rib Stories, your mom calls and tells you in a very chipper voice, "Oh and your grandmother has breast cancer."

"But don't worry - it's not aggressive."

SO LET'S JUST SAY...that you very privately freaked out in your bedroom, didn't tell anyone about your grandmother, sat on the couch til 1am watching Shrek 2, convinced the mother in law to take the damn Vicodin already, slept like a baby (@#$!), skipped church, and are about to watch the Bears play the Seahawks.

And so let's theorize that you are suppressing the emotional upheaval of your grandmother's diagnosis and your restless mother-in-law gracing your couch for 5 more days.

And so, instead of processing those emotions, you cry - CRY!! - reading pregame analysis of the Bears playoff game and you CURSE Rex Grossman for his inconsistent play, and even though you are from New England and your first crush on a quarterback was Tom Brady, you are now so overcome with desire to see Rex succeed that you are SHAKING. AS. YOU. TYPE. THIS.

But I mean, this is just a THEORY.