Excuse me, I was away from my desk.

(Except I don't have a desk. I have some random computer tucked in the corner of a beeping, shrieking, desatting wonderland of critically ill babies). It's good to take a vacation from that work environment sometimes right? Right. I love it more when I come back.

In the past few months I have been all over North and Central America, and I must say I really enjoy the traveling life. I have been to...


West Palm Beach on a crazy Chicago to Florida road trip with my best friend Amy...


New Orleans for a crazy nights of fun before leaving on our spring break cruise (Jessica did have fun, I promise, and the beads were thrown at us with absolutely no "effort" on our parts, I also promise)...


The gorgeous beaches of Mexico, where $1 tequila shots will sneak up on you unexpectedly and lay you out flat...



Beach shack bars, where you too can be serenaded by a man who will not take no for an answer...


Las Escobas (the waterfalls) near Puerto Barrios, Guatemala...


The surreal blue waters of Belize...


A white sand beach on a tiny island near Belize, and yes, my friends are crazy, and yes we have a Barbie and yes there is a very long story behind that which, trust me, is hilarious...


Crazy Cozumel, which is exactly like Miami except for the trucks of policia with machine guns in the streets and the hazy threat of being kidnapped on the horizon...


And a week and a half after returning from the sunshine (after Joshua had already taken a quick trip to Minneapolis) I tagged along with him on his business trip to Boston so I could eat a lobster...

and more importantly...


I was able to catch up with my beloved family, who I have not seen since Thanksgiving and who are all unbelievably funny and cute and I really tried to fit them in my luggage for the flight back to Chicago, but Southwest Airlines said no, sorry, you exceeded your carry-on limit. And then I cried.

We are headed back to Massachusetts in 3 weeks for my brother Jared's senior play, and after that I will be back on the east coast in June, July, and August (2 weddings and a sailing trip off the coast of Maine, can we say I am a lucky girl to be living this life?!). I have another wedding in Tampa in September and another in Massachusetts in October, and in the middle of those two we have a big trip "planned" for September - we are deciding between two totally different vacations and haven't decided which one it will be. The biggest hurdle - getting my time off from work - has already been accomplished. Night shift girls love to travel? That should be our floor's motto. We currently have no vacation time available through the middle of October.

I'm sure I will continue to post here sporadically and I can't promise that won't mean June. I should probably start picking up overtime shifts to pay for the plane tickets that will allow me to actually experience all these vacations.

Actually, I am turning 25 in three weeks and I'm sure I will have something to post about my quarter life crisis shortly.

Friday the 13th

And a very short update just so I don't forget this blog exists....

We said NO to the granite countertops and stainless steel appliances and homeowners association fees and fixing things ourselves and property taxes and decided we are not buying a condo. I don't really know...I went on a road trip and somewhere between Mississippi and West Palm Beach I started to feel incredibly trapped by all that a mortgage entails.

We said YES to 50 miles a gallon and bought a PRIUS the weekend I got back from Florida. It is silver, shiny, totally baller, and someone hit it and cracked the bumper within 24 hours of us having it here in the city. Which isn't even that big of a deal, but totally confirmed me NO I DO NOT WANT TO OWN EXPENSIVE THINGS LIKE A CONDO. Because I do not want to have to repair them. Lesson learned, homeownership can wait.

We are leaving three weeks from tomorrow on a CRUISE, and in honor of spending 7 days in vastly less clothing than I've been wearing in the Chicago winter, I am doing the 30 Day Shred like everyone else here on the internets. Bullet points: it is fast, it is hard, i have muscles, and i'm hoping for abs sometime in the next 3 weeks.

I have been having a lot of fun lately. Too much fun. I need to haul myself back on the responsibility horse so to speak and start making some serious progress with organizing my life, my future, my priorities. I think Joshua would appreciate it and I'm sure it would be helpful for both of us. But let's also be realistic, I will start that sort of personal rejuevenation after the cruise. I'll call it detox.

#1 Most Inconsistent Blogger Award Goes to ME

OH. My blog. Maybe I should write something on it?

Hello, busiest holiday season ever and getting used to life as a RN (surprise! someone has to watch the babies on Christmas and it will obviously be the new girls). Hello, baby niece Lina who decided she would like to make a dramatic entrance on December 30, managing to avoid being born on any holiday at all and thus ensuring herself a full haul of gifts and an another excuse to celebrate each year. Hello, brand new President and sparkly First Lady. Hello, hope, change, and tax refund and stimulus packages just around the riverbend! (Right? Right.)

2009 is the first year I have not planned for and filled with concrete expectations before it even began. In 2005 I will get married, in 2006 I will start nursing school, in 2007 I will figure out what field of nursing to pursue, in 2008 I will graduate. I know that in 2009, Joshua will graduate with his MBA and I will turn 25, and even those momentous occasions only carry us through the first week of May. I'm going to Florida next week with my best friend, and then on a cruise in March with my other best friends, and so basically I've packed tropical drinks in my schedule until it's actually spring and then my life is just stretching and yawning out in front of me, ready to surprise me (maybe with more tropical drinks? I accept.)

So far in 2009, Joshua has gone back to school, I've continued to settle into my role as an official, orientationisoverandyesIwillbeyourbaby'snursetonight RN, and we've started looking at condos. So, basically while I wasn't paying attention for the last few years of birthdays and engagements and weddings and friends having babies and bills and loans...we all grew up. And today I said something to the effect of "I am very serious about having granite countertops, but I could do without this backsplash" and then the transition-to-selfish-yuppie-adulthood was complete. Why don't I just get a yellow lab, name it Wrigley or Addison, put on my Cubs hat and roll over and join the ranks of 20 and 30something Chicagoans who live on the North Side and are also very serious about granite. WHO IS SERIOUS ABOUT GRANITE? I felt a sudden impulse to screw the condo idea and move to someplace sexy and exotic where tropical drinks are the rule, not the exception and maybe I could just make drinks at a swim-up bar or something? I am alternately intoxicated with my adult responsibilities and loathing of them.

Luckily, working only 3 days a week and having no kids and generally self-reliant cats allows me some freedom. So it's ok that I spent approximately 6 hours lounging on the couch yesterday watching the inauguration and today I will spend my night catching up on Facebook and tv shows and eating potstickers and then getting my ass kicked (literally! we do butt kicks!) by the 30 Day Shred. And in 2009 I have decided I'm going to enjoy this limbo time, between being old enough to have a real job and real paycheck (and real vacations) and between having serious responsibilities like kids and a mortgage and GRANITE, damnit. I'm going to enjoy that we could buy a condo, or we can do something totally different and adventurous. In 2009, I am going to appreciate what I have been blessed with, and not take it for granted. Because life's flying by (25 years old...really...) and I want to look back on this time in my life and say, YES. I had so much of everything - time, love, friends, laughter,wine (so much!) - and I knew it, and I took the time to say, thank you, this really is quite amazing.

You may be three weeks old, but hello 2009.

BEARS WIN!

It was a horrible game that they should probably not have won, but thanks to a blocked field goal attempt, overtime, the sheer luck of the coin toss, and finally a Bears field goal (thank you Robbie Gould!), the Bears scraped past the Packers at Soldier Field. Joshua and his dad were among the frozen fans that braved windchills of -2 degrees to see the Bears stay alive for another week. (When they first got tickets, I was very jealous, but once the weather forecast for this week came out, I laughed myself indoors).

I watched the game from a pub with Joshua's mom (yes, I did drag her teetotaling self into a BAR...i love it), although we left at the end of the 4th quarter to drive downtown to get the guys, so we were on Michigan Avenue admiring the Christmas lights and listening to the game on the radio when it ended.

My first hometown team is of course, the New England Patriots (stop booing, I can hear you), and if you follow football you know that Patriots fans are despised the country over because they are a) obnoxious (I will admit this) and b) everyone else is jealous. I know this year has been rocky, and last year ended in utter devastation, but overall Pats fans have had lots to be happy about in the past five years or so.

My adopted Bears are more of a heartbreaker team, and I'm getting used to that. My learning experience with the emotional upheaval that is a losing football team began in the 4th quarter of last year's Super Bowl, when I held myself together until all our friends left (they were cheering for the Giants, I should have kicked them out) and then I cried on Joshua's shoulder for twenty minutes. Maybe that gives a little insight into how serious I am about football (you don't have a choice, growing up in New England...please see above: obnoxious fans). Joshua was a little stunned, but he has seen my family watch football (where there is yelling and screaming and stomping and occasionally the throwing of inanimate objects), so he handled it well. My hatred for anything Manning runs deep.

But beyond football...today we woke up in a snowglobe. Chicago looks absolutely gorgeous blanketed in snow, and yet I am already over it. We have had to use chains twice to get out of our ridiculous city parking spaces, which are really ice ruts and it is not even January yet. Sigh. I am spending the day inside wrapping presents and cleaning the apartment until I have to leave for work tonight.

Two days til Christmas and 98% of my shopping is done, 75% is wrapped and 0% of the Christmas Day meal/baking is completed. Overall, with the exception of some baking I should definitely have started yesterday, I would say I am making excellent progress.

I have not accomplished much Christmas shopping since my last post (Joshua has, although last time he went out he came home with a brand new HD TV. For...us.)

I work three 12 hour night shifts a week, including every 3rd weekend. This is my weekend. I suppose it's ridiculous to complain about a 3 day workweek, but with the way we are scheduled I sometimes end up having long stretches of time off and long stretches of time ON. I'm the middle of one of those long work weeks right now. From last Wednesday to this Wednesday I'm working 72 hours. Then, I admit, I will have 5 days off, but I'll be honest this 'week' is dragging for me. I had to go downstairs to the cafeteria at 4am last night to buy M&Ms and hot chocolate (from a machine! a new low!) just to keep me going through the last 3 hours. My babies were sleeping soundly and didn't need me to wake them up for anything so I organized their bedspaces, finished my charting, and then I gave up and ate M&M's and read an old issue of People. NICU nursing can run the gamut of terrifying to mind-numbingly dull, I guess.

And when I work 6 out of 7 nights in a week, I definitely miss my husband, my friends, my cats, and my bed. I do not have time for Christmas shopping. And I eat too much sugar.

So...the holidays are flying by at an astonishing speed (goodbye, Thanksgiving, hello, panicked Christmas shopping) and I have barely kept up with it all. I think anyone who has known me longer than 5 minutes knows I am definitely not your overprepared, wrap-the-presents-by-October type of person. I grew up in a family that considered tearing through department stores on Christmas Eve, an hour before we were supposed to be at Grandma's, practically tradition. Actually, we would typically run in to my extended family there as well. This is in no way an exaggeration.

Which is why we have arrived at December 11th with not much crossed off the list. And what is crossed off happened between last night at 10pm, due to Joshua taking advantage of Amazon.com while I was at work, and today at 7pm, after I finished a few hours of wacked out, sleep deprived shopping with Amy as my driver.

I have made exactly one handmade gift (Joshua's mom's scarf) and I'm very happy with the gifts we've found for friends and family so far. I have not bought one thing full-price, which is obviously very tacky to say, but I am not always the best bargain hunter (see: lazy, easily distracted, swayed by slick packaging, also lazy). So I am proud to say, if you are getting a gift from me, don't expect to return it for full price.

In other news, Joshua and I are the proud owners of the world's ugliest Christmas tree after my delightful husband convinced me to buy a tree in a net laying outside at at Home Depot. I will be honest, there were warning signs that things could go badly (the tree was in a net, hello) but he was swayed by the low price (warning sign!), ease of transport, and...I'm not sure what else. I'm not really sure what overcame either of us, but we were in a state of extreme exhaustion following our whirlwind Thanksgiving trip to New England (32 hours in the car, people, unacceptable).

As you can imagine, the tree comes with all sorts of lovely quirks. It's not exactly the triangle shape we all imagine a Christmas balsam fir should be. It's exactly the kind of tree that I would laugh at were I to find its sad little self hanging out in the woods. However, it's very green, the needles aren't sharp or brittle, and it might have the strongest branches of any Christmas tree I've ever had. Which is why all the ornaments are hanging off the very tips of the tree, 'disguising' the various holes. It gives off the effect that the tree is slightly disgusted by all the bedazzling we've imposed upon it, and is holding all the glitter and bells at arm's length.

I have not even begun to discuss how I much I am looking forward to filling the kitties' stockings. And Joshua's. So I will have to post again before Christmas!

Yesterday morning I reached into the freezer to pull out Joshua's lunch (a Trader Joe's frozen meal, sorry I am failing at my wifely duties here) and it was Not.Frozen. So I put my hand back in the freezer and very gingerly poked a pork chop. Soft.. The whole refrigerator had died overnight. And judging by how thawed the frozen food was, it had died early in the night.

Luckily it was thirty degrees out and with the help of my friends (I highly recommend living on the same exact street, within a block, of 2 of your best friends and your sister in law) we got the food out on the back porch and took all the pictures and magnets off the old fridge.

Then I left for a day of caramel corn making and watching The Business of Being Born (highly recommend that as well) and when I returned after a few more errands, voila! new, nicer fridge and bonus! they had put all the food from the porch back in the fridge.

I can't wait to own a place, but sometimes I am totally thrilled to be a renter.

I am pleased to announce that two very monumental events have occurred today, and it's not even 3:00pm yet.

First, I hauled out all the Christmas decorations and started the massive process of bestowing holiday spirit on every room in this apartment. I am about halfway done, but I had to take a break since I am also in the midst of processing 6 (SIX!) loads of laundry. (We have been busy). So far I've put up our nativity, our stockings (including two new tiny ones for Pam and Hala, comments are closed on this issue except theyaresoflippingcute!!), changed over all the dishcloths and potholders to their Christmas versions, and pulled out all the Christmas candles. I've also made two holiday stations on Pandora, one contemporary and one classic. I just told Pandora to never play NSync's version of Merry Christmas again, so I haven't completely lost my senses in the holiday hoopla.

I do know that it's pretty early to decorate. I wasn't planning on diving into this lovely disaster until this weekend, but I have today and tomorrow off and then I work 6 out of the next 7 days after that. I leave straight from work Wednesday morning at 7:30am to drive 14 hours across the country to see my wonderful family. That clearly left me with no choice but to decorate today, since I absolutely cannot return home from Thanksgiving to an undecorated home! That would be tragic.

Secondly, in terms of the monumental events, I have secured a written contract from my younger brother telling me he will move to Chicago next summer. Ok, it was a text message, and maybe he was slightly more vague than that, but I am taking him seriously. My youngest brother was just here visiting my alma mater, and he also tells me he wants to move here. I have a VERY good track record of convincing (coercing?) people to move to Chicago, which is why you could be out at a bar sometime and overhear an entire table of people talking about their childhood in Massachusetts. Those are my people. Anyways, convincing both my brothers to move here within a year would really be the ultimate triumph for me. Because with all three children in the Midwest, my parents would also be forced to seriously consider relocating.

They call this a coup, I believe.

Oh! And one more thing. After having spent an inordinate amount of time wandering the aisles this morning (and after watching that 30 Rock a few weeks back where Oprah guest-starred), I would also like to promote a few of My Favorite (Holiday) Things (Which can be Purchased at Target).

1) Method Frosted Fir Hand Soap

2) Snowmen Acrylic Dinnerware
Ok, I only bought the glasses. But tell me the whole set is not adorable?!

3) Snowmen Christmas Stocking
Joshua and I both have stockings at our parents' homes, but have never purchased our own. These look like they will wear well over the years. I can picture our (rambunctious) children ripping apart the Christmas boxes and yelling, "I found mom and dad's stockings!" (then they will grumble, "here are Pam and Hala's stupid little stockings") Somehow I find this mental picture hilarious.

I finished Joshua's mom's scarf today, making it officially the first wearable piece of knitting I have completed! I've crocheted several scarfs and hats and made valiant attempts to finish the random knitting I've started, but this is really the first thing that I finished well. (Naturally, I kind of want to keep it! Because I am a horrible, selfish knitter. Don't worry, it's definitely hers). I would post a picture, but my camera won't connect to the computer lately. It's feeling lazy, apparently.

The cats love the yarn. They lick it and bat at it and are generally transfixed by it. This is a serious stereotype, right? Cats and yarn? I am the kind of person who owns CATS. Who KNITS. I really enjoy this new hobby, and I adore my cats, but the reality of being a cat-owning knitter is rough on the ego. I am too young for this.

I Bleed Blue...

"This is our moment. This is our time - to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth - that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism and doubt, and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people:

YES WE CAN."

- Barack Obama, 44th President of the United States of America

All I Really Want To Say Is...

We had a very calm, relaxed Sunday. We went to church for the first time in months (the night shift and the weekend trips to everywhere and nowhere have kept us either in bed or out of town for a shockingly long time).

We got coffee at a local coffee shop where I accidentally ordered a tall and was glared at by the barista. Yes, I have sold my soul to Starbucks. For the convenience. (See also, the night shift).

We stopped in local yarn store next to the local coffee shop and I bought two skeins of thick, wintry yarn that will hopefully become scarves for Joshua (gray and white ribbed, very manly) and his mom (a heather blue chessboard pattern). I already started on his mom's scarf and as it's on size 15 needles I'm hoping to finish it before it hits 75 degrees on Wednesday. Seventy-five. Seriously, November? Are you for real?

We watched football. Kyle Orton got injured and Rex Grossman managed to take to Bears to a win over the Lions, even though he looks just as frightened and confused as always. After growing up in Patriots country, Tom Brady country, poor Rex makes me physically cringe.

So, it was a very ordinary day and yet it wasn't. I took a leap of faith which I can't really discuss here, but was terrifying and also absolutely the right thing to do (no I did NOT throw away my birth control pills). I had one of those experiences at church this morning where I was smacked in the face with something that I really needed to deal with. It wasn't even subtle, I mean I opened up the study guide for the week that goes along with the sermon series, and I could have just inserted my name in the questions for the first day. In what ways does your life reflect x...y...z? (um, it doesn't? I'll get back to you at 10pm when I've made some steps in the right direction?) Sometimes God is a whispered breath, and other times, a bulldozer.

I don't think it's a big surprise to anyone that I love the city. I have always been a city girl, since the very first time I went to New York City to visit my relatives. I don't think I can overstate how hard I fell for city life. I loved the crush of people, noise, lights, the smell of Chinese takeout and bakeries. I almost got killed by a cab, and to my parents' horror, I was thrilled. I went back as often as possible. When I was junior in high school, I spent three weeks living with my cousin in Greenwich Village. My hippie performing arts school had a whole month of what we called Paideia. We could spend a month doing anything from intensive hiphop to mock trial. I chose to do an independent study and attend a writer's series at the New School.

I never went. I don't remember why, I think I was intimidated by the thought of college students (college students!) critiquing my writing. Instead, I went to ballet class at Broadway Dance Center (It kicked my ass, I should have been more intimidated by it). I wandered around New York City, taking the train to places that sounded interesting all by myself while my cousin went to school. I saw Rent and a few other plays. I got carded in a bar and saw Kirsten Dunst in Dean and Deluca. I basically did nothing except explore and pretend I lived in New York. Oh, and I started artfully slinging scarves around my neck (scarves make you urban, did you know?) I made plans to move there immediately after I graduated. With a lot of scarves and not a lot of money.

Obviously my life didn't play out how I envisioned it when I was seventeen, but I still ended up in a city that I love. And I love Chicago more than New York, for reasons I didn't care about when I was in high school. It's cheaper. Friendlier. You don't have to be glamorous or edgy (or both) here. New York is exceedingly cool, Chicago is just...itself.

I think one of the best things about living in a city, besides the easy access to sushi and museums and art we never take enough advantage of, is actually getting out of the city. It makes me appreciate trees. Even the flat, empty cornfields that I hated when I first moved to the midwest look somewhat stark and lovely to me now. We're at Joshua's parents this weekend, just hanging out and drinking coffee and doing free laundry and watching hdtv (him) and leisurely blogging (me). It's quiet and not at all how I want my life to be every day,but I do appreciate it. Have I totally grown up?

Sometimes I really wish we could take pictures of our precious kiddos in the NICU. Yes, it would totally violate their privacy and HIPAA and all those boring legal technicalities, but I think the world at large would benefit from seeing them all dressed up in their Halloween costumes! Because nothing jazzes up IV lines and oxygen tubing and cardiac leads like a velour pumpkin outfit! Who will notice your trach when you are wearing a fluffy white lamb costume with actual hooves?? (Hopefully your nurse will notice, but it might be difficult for a minute. We are falling over from All.The.Cuteness!)

I've actually never been a huge fan of Halloween - probably because in the adult world it is a quite a bit more skank than sweet - but I think I changed my mind last night at work. These families have never had the joy of bringing their babies at home. If they've been outside, it was only for the briefest moment between an ambulance and an emergency room door. They live in a hospital . Watching their parents wrestle them into pumpkin suits and I Love My Mummy onesies made me realize just how important it is to us as humans that life goes on normally, despite overwhelming obstacles. We keep our traditions, no matter how strange. We cope with costumes.

And I will say, I think it works. I had a new patient last night whose parents were understandably overwhelmed and scared that their brand new baby boy, who had been just a perfectly healthy 3 day old, suddenly ended up in the NICU with a heart issue. They didn't know they would be able to hold their baby, now that he was attached to his leads and lines. They didn't think they could bring him clothes from home to wear. They didn't know they could change his diaper, take his temperature...basically parent him, while he was in the hospital. But I watched them stare at the family across the room as those NICU veterans figured out how to get their almost 6-month old, who comes decked out with hiflow oxygen tubing, a G-tube, and a central line, into a jack-o-lantern costume. Mr. Jack-O-Lantern posed for pictures with his parents for the next oh, hour, or so while half the unit came to coo over him, and I could see the new family visibly relax. The mom actually whispered to her husband, "Everyone is so nice here!" And then they tried to figure out what she could bring back the next day for their son to wear on Halloween. Does anyone want to be in a NICU with their baby, ever? Of course not. It's terrifying. But there is so much joy in making it a better place for our families than they expected.

I am beginning to really love what I do.

I cannot consistently update this blog! I don't know why, I think I just run out of things to say for awhile...get busy...get lazy. I love to read other blogs (maybe to the point of gently stalking?) but I struggle with my own words.

Right now it's 6:40am and I am really excited for the day shift to come in at 7am so I can go home. Not to sleep, which would be the healthy/smart/normal choice, no I am keeping my ass awake all day to celebrate Joshua's mom's birthday. (We will start the celebration with a LOT of coffee to keep me sane). It was a slow night, with a stable preemie who didn't require much hands-on care other than my assessments and one blood draw which I HATE doing because these kiddos are so tiny and every little drop counts! (Seriously. Did you know preemies have only about 90ml per kilo of circulating blood volume? This kid is only 600 grams...so he has maybe 50ml of circulating blood. And I had to take one away from him. My job is so weird).

I have only 4 more weeks with a preceptor and then 4 weeks after that with a resource person who won't be with me every minute, but will always be there during the shift if I have issues. Then I sail my own ship the week before Christmas. I'm actually starting to get excited (just like everyone told me I would) to be on my own. Although, still, it's terrifying. And I think it should be.

The day shift should be here in ten minutes. I'm thrilled.

I would like to make this blog space a little prettier. Not so plain. Not so much Hi, This is a HUGE Picture of My Shadow How Artsy is That. But I have very little expertise in anything html and my husband works full-time and goes to school full-time and gives me death glares when I suggest little homekeeping ideas. Like taking out the trash. So I am thinking, Huge Picture of My Shadow it is! Someday I will spend some time figuring out how to do this. For now, I'm pretty content to spend time moaning about it.

Last night I had one of those realizations, the kind that make you stay awake late and then wake up early, unsure of why you are up but completely aware of your own unease. Right? I hate those. Anyways, I realized that I do not have a clue how to do many of the things that Joshua usually takes care of in our lives. The Man Chores. Last night, the air conditioner in our bedroom was making a snap crackle POP kind of noise, a noise that in my mind precedes smoke and combustion. So he shut it off and pulled this filter out of the side which was absolutely disgusting. Covered in dust, cat hair, probably my hair, who knows. The point is I HAD NO IDEA AIR CONDITIONERS HAD FILTERS. They sit in a windowsill! Butt to the outside! I thought they just circulated cold air in and all that other stuff got sucked out.

Inexplicably, this really bothers me. I've never lived alone in my life, which I do not regret at all (I sleep over at my friends' houses when Joshua is gone. With no shame. I may be scared of the dark). But in the transition between living at home, other people's homes, college, and then with my husband, I have never had to do things like clean out air conditioner filters. Joshua tells me when the car needs an oil change even though I am sure I could interpret the little sticker on our windshield fairly easily. I wouldn't know, because I never even remember to look. I can't make coffee. I CAN'T MAKE COFFEE, me of the caffeine addiction fame. (I would like to point out this in some way rationalizes my exorbitant spending on coffee) Yet, it is also quite a life failure.

So I should learn how to do all these things I suppose. Ask Joshua what else in our apartment comes with a filter (A. coffee pots B. air conditioners. I am on to something!) Check the oil change sticker. Take out the trash once in a while. Maybe then he will have a minute to fix my blog for me.

Today is a super important day for me.

I have been waiting for this particular day for a verrry loooooong time.

I am literally filled with anticipation and possibly even glee. Although I don't experience glee very often, so I am just assuming this is what it (maybe) feels like.

Tonight is the...

season premiere of The Office!!!

I can't wait.

And neither can Pam Beasley or Hala Jan Levinson, our cats who have only seen a few episodes of the show from whence their names came. They are just sitting in the living room right now, staring at the TV. I think they know.

I think they can feel the excitement.

I am so over this week. Not this technical week - since it is only Tuesday after all - but this work week, which started for me on Saturday and ends tomorrow at 7:30pm. 4 days of 12 hour shifts and 1 day of 12 hour babysitting is apparently too much for my fragile little self to handle. Yes, agreeing to babysit on my one day off was stupid, but I have been watching these kids for 4 years now and so I can't say no. I never say no. I got up in the dark and came home after dark every day this week. I know this is a normal American thing to do...and I am fortunate to have a stable job in this insane economy...and I should just shut up, check my bank account and be thankful....but the ADJUSTING. IS. HARD.

Anyways. Enough whining. I can't even handle myself lately.

I started reading the Twilight books - yes, the young adult vampire books. Because I am a sucker for a mystical fiction series? Because I miss the excitement of brand new, unexplored Harry Potter books? I don't know. I finished the first book today, and it was...pretty decent. It took a long time to get started, and I am a little creeped out by the description of the main character Edward (stone cold, pale as death, yet inexplicably mesmerizing and radiant? One sentence describes him as having 'pale lavender eyelids'. Uh...not my kind of guy). But of course I will get the rest of the books soon, because by the end I was caught up in the drama and basically, I just want to know if he's going to bite her (the mesmerized female main character), kill her, or let her stay a human. And I might as well read 4 books in the process. This is why I graduated from college, right, to pleasure read? Right. If you know what happens to Bella and Edward, don't tell me. I am sure if I get impatient I will Google it.

In other news, we are going on a cruise! In March! Which will hopefully be right at my winter breakdown point, when I absolutely cannot take one more day of Chicago mush and slush, and so what could be better than going to the Gulf of Mexico with some of my best friends and drinking my weight in margaritas (luckily, I think alcohol poisoning is out of my price range, so that's a bonus). I cannot wait. AND, our cruise leaves from New Orleans which is a city near and dear to my heart, so we'll get to spend a night there before we go! It's all very exciting and yay and wish it was next week-ish, especially since my last week has sucked so much (one of my patients DIED, yes, coded during a procedure and couldn't be revived so this wasn't a stellar week in my orientation experience. Ugh...adding to the frustrations.

The Tiredness is hitting me hard right now, so I think I need to give in to that. In 22 hours, I will be done with this ridiculous five day stretch and then maybe I will feel like more of a person instead,

My cats are so flipping cute. I think this is hardly worth writing about but I'm currently home during the day - something I used to do too much of and now I can't GET enough of - and I am really enjoying watching Pam and Hala go about their little routines of chasing each other and flopping around on the laundry (they both love to sleep on something we have worn or used. Last night Pam crawled all over Joshua's shoes, turned herself around a few times and then snuggled her face INSIDE THE SHOE. Which, ok, gross, but also - adorable.)

Our neighbor is out on the back porch shining his shoes, and both cats are up in the windowsill like, "who is that? why he is sitting on an antique chair? what is that horrible smell? is he going to hurt himself with all that vigorous shining? because he is approximately 100 years old!" These may actually be my questions, but I am assuming the cats share my line of thinking. His shoes are actually so shiny that it's a little disturbing. They make him look like a very quiet and unassuming man with an unfortunate taste for Hot Topic footwear.

Fancy Feet just went inside and left his antique chair and shoeshining kit (which includes multiple tins of black goop and rags and a LARGE bristle brush) outside and the cats are totally confused. They keep looking at the chair, his back door, and me as if there is some answer for what we have all just experienced. No. I found it as interesting as you both did. I'd like to ask him about the whole Old World setup (and some other questions too, like why he lives alone and does he have any family and does he need a pie or something) but I'm kind of nervous because he seems sort of intimidating. Our back porch is small, and where I am sitting in the dining cannot be more than 8 feet from his chair. I think if I opened my mouth I might startle him excessively. If he was still outside, of course.

I am sitting on the dining room floor right now typing this because my computer battery is dead, so my laptop needs to be plugged in at all times, and I do not want to bother unplugging it and moving somewhere more comfortable. Can we say LAZY!? I am making eggplant parm tonight but i am not ready to start cooking (motivationally speaking) so I guess the dining room floor is good for now.

This week I feel like I got a handle on some things at work that were stressing me out - basically just skills I am feeling more comfortable with - and I haven't left at the end of the day so burnt out. It finally occurred to me (lightbulb, seriously) that I have actually been working for less than 2 months and I have a TWENTY-TWO week orientation. I won't be done until the week before Christmas! So I still have two thirds of my orientation left to work out all the craziness in my brain.

Someone is smoking on the back porch of our building, and it actually smells amazing. Which, if you know me, should shock you because I am the anti-smoking champion of my social circle. Clearly I have reached a critical level of stress despite not even having to work on the floor today. If anyone is available, please bring me a cigarette. This may be the only time you'll ever see me smoke, because I have a serious reputation to uphold.

What other discombobulated ideas can I express here...on the dining room floor...this weekend we caught the Red Bull Flugtagon Saturday afternoon and Germanfest that night. Both were hilarious and I think I went approximately 13 hours without thinking about work once, a new record. Maybe 21 hours, if you count the fact that I passed out diagonally across the bed and woke up Sunday morning fully clothed, makeup on, looking EXTREMELY unattractive. And I only had one stein!

I am sitting pretty close to the cat food right now, which is unfortunate and kind of nauseating. I also have a killer headache. None of this makes me want to start cooking, but I am getting hungry and I should probably get on with that. No one has brought me a cigarette yet. I know Joshua will be THRILLED to hear about this craving, but I'm hoping it passes before he takes it as license to smoke half a pack before bedtime. Eggplant here I come.